Seriously though, no matter how crazy unfair it might seem right now to have one man you have to say goodbye to, it’s for your own sanity. Because right now, you are swinging between two men who are ready to love you. It’s unfair to them too, right? If you have two lovers, you’ve found yourself in an interesting corner of the dating game. But I can understand how this can get stressful for you. Having to let one of them down and then worrying about making the wrong choice later can be incredibly nerve-wracking. So if you’re feeling like a hot mess, I don’t blame you. But you’ve come to the right place.
How To Choose Between Two Guys – 13 Tips
Do you need to choose between two lovers and figure out which of them is going to make you happier? Because even though you’re reading this, I have to tell you that the answer to who is the right person for you lies deep within yourself. On the surface of it, you’re baffled because both of them have exceptional qualities and make you feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.
On the other hand, you’re probably also pondering over the difference between love and infatuation and which one of the two is driving you crazy. But even though you’re confused between two guys, your heart only yearns for one. It’s just that having both of them in your life has gotten a little overwhelming for you and is probably dizzying you to the point where you might even be considering a guy C. But your heart is already set on either guy A or guy B
Chances are when you’re choosing between two guys, you already kind of know which one you like more. Perhaps it’s not the “How to decide between two guys” question that’s holding you back, maybe it’s “Am I ready for a relationship? Will I regret this?” So before you go any further, make sure you know in your heart that you’re willing to make a decision and that being in a relationship or any sort of dynamic with one of them is what you want.
You just need to clear your head a little and ask yourself a few questions, and I’m sure you will guide yourself to the right person. I know you’re looking for a quicker solution to arrive at that conclusion, and that’s where we come in. Here’s how to choose between two guys and figure out which one you really care for.
1. What kind of time do you spend with each of them?
Leanne had been going out with Trevor for a month or so when she started seeing Adam too. She would have a great time with Trevor but was only with him because he was easygoing, didn’t ask for too much commitment, and was great in bed. However, Adam was the one she longed to call after a busy day at work and whom she told all her silly stories. If she didn’t get to see Adam all day, she’d be in a foul mood and would maybe even throw a tantrum. But if she saw Trevor once a week, the two would laugh over coffee, hook-up back at her place, say goodbye with a sweet kiss and a promise to meet up again next week. While Trevor was indeed the easier and more correct option because he fit the bill for the kind of guy she wanted, her heart was with Adam. See where we’re going with this? When you can’t decide between two guys, it’s probably because they bring different things to the table. You probably already know which one is going to be better for you in the long run, and if one of them is your Adam, don’t mull too much over picking between two guys.
2. Ponder over the qualities that you find attractive about them
“He dresses really well” or “He goes to the gym” are not good enough reasons to pick one guy over the other. In fact, if these are the reasons you don’t know which one to date, you shouldn’t be confused between the two guys. Just because he gets his clothes at Nordstrom does not mean he’s going to make you happy or knows how a woman wants to be treated. Make a Venn diagram if you have to! Because your first step toward choosing when two guys say they love you is figuring out what makes you like them in the first place. Sometimes, you may end up liking a guy because you’re bored and he’s giving you the attention that you need. Other times, you may be too drawn to the sexual chemistry you share with someone. When you’re trying to choose the right guy between two, make sure you pick the one whose personality you like, not the one whose cologne smells the nicest. Once you’re six months into the relationship, you’ll get sick of the cologne, and the guy who can make you laugh is going to seem a lot nicer. So make sure you’re not just keeping one of them around because they’re filling some kind of void. That wouldn’t be fair to anybody. Figuring out how to decide between two guys mostly requires introspection, so be honest with yourself.
3. Who makes you feel like your prime self?
By this one, I don’t mean which one of them tries to change you or correct you to be a better version of yourself. I mean quite the opposite actually. Which one of these two guys lets you be your unabashed self without a care in the world? Or actually, let me put it in a way you’ll really understand. Do you feel embarrassed dropping the Taco Bell fire sauce on your hoodie in front of him or comfortable enough to laugh it off? Or do you find it easy to complain to him about the ridiculous razor bumps you get each time you shave before going to the beach? You know I’m asking the right questions here and you should be asking yourself the same too.
4. Consider their life goals to help you choose between two guys who are equally good
So you’ve made the Venn diagram and still can’t figure out which one of the two is the better guy for you. They’re both warm, compassionate, acknowledge your needs, kiss you all the time AND are successful? Wow, you’re in real trouble then. But there’s a way out of that. If you’re figuring out how to choose between two guys who are equally good, consider their future goals. If you are dating for marriage and really want your next relationship to be the last, then start evaluating whether your goals intersect or not. For example, guy A wants to take a year off to study abroad in Italy and you’re looking to find a boyfriend you can soon start a live-in relationship with. In that case, if your heart can’t decide – leave it to the more practical choice. It might seem like a hard choice to make if you like guy A more, but if you want to choose the right guy between the two, you’ve got to think of the long run as well. Infatuation may take hold right now, but when guy A couldn’t care less about his career and you fancied yourself a power couple, things will go south very quickly.
5. Can’t decide between two guys? Ask yourself, which one of them is easier to love?
That’s just a nicer way of asking you, “Which one of them is lower maintenance?” How to choose between two guys is not just about choosing the better man of the two but about picking the one that makes your life a little better. Is guy B a little hard to please because he easily turns into a jealous boyfriend and you have to spend an hour placating his insecurities every time you go to a party? Or is guy A too clingy and he ends up crashing all your sleepovers with your girlfriends? It’s important that you catch the relationship red flags beforehand so you don’t end up dating someone who could potentially be a difficult person to be with. When you’re trying to pick between two guys, make sure you think about what it’s going to be like in the long run. He may seem perfect right now, but if he has got a jealous streak about him, you need to consider that while making the final decision.
6. Find out if they’re ready for a relationship
Just because both men are pining for you and texting you as soon as they wake up each morning doesn’t mean that either or both of them are not commitment-phobes. The very reason you want to choose one is that you are ready to take the plunge and invest yourself in somebody. You want something that’s long-term and more than just casual dating. So it’s time to sit down and figure out if each of them wants the same thing? Have either of them ever mentioned you in their future or has meeting the parents ever come up in your conversations? Pick up some hints and cues or have a heart-to-heart conversation even, if you want to. But before you choose the wrong guy because you think you want him, find out if he really wants you.
7. Do you feel like you are cheating on one of them? Who is he?
So you’ve caught yourself in a deadly and shocking love triangle and can’t help but feel guilty about dating two guys at the same time and just don’t know how to choose between two guys who are equally good. Let’s consider this hypothetical scenario. When you’re out on a date with Hunter, and Caleb suddenly calls you on your phone, do you suddenly feel a rush of panic or guilt? Or would you feel the guilt if it was the other way around? Whoever is the one you feel guilty toward is probably the guy you love more. You’ve already established a bond with that guy which is far stronger than the other one you’re seeing. It is still possible that you want to give the other one a chance but if that is the case, then perhaps you need a little more time to decide. If you’re trying to choose between two guys who are friends and already feel a little guilty about “cheating” on one of them, you need to make a decision quickly. Chances are, the guy you’re closer to won’t like the fact that you’re close to his friend as well. This scenario might get tricky very soon.
8. When you’re choosing between two guys, consider how well you know each of them
Is it possible that you don’t know either of them that well at all? Just because things are moving fast does not mean you have to as well. Brace yourself, step back and get a bird’s eye view. Has either one of them really opened up to you? Which one? Because if you ask me, I’m going to go ahead and place bets on the one who has as having a better shot with you. Knowing his music taste and understanding his life story or his family dynamics are two very different things. You do not want to get involved in a serious, exclusive relationship with somebody who you don’t know that well. Because if you find some skeletons in his closet that you weren’t prepared to handle and then run, it will leave both shattered. So either take your time getting to know the other one better or stick to the guy A who has already peeled all his layers in front of you.
9. Choosing between old love and new love
Let’s say, you’ve found yourself in a situation where an ex has walked back into your life but guy B and your roller-skating dates are going better than ever and it even looks like it’s time to get really serious. Your history might make you want to drop your skates and run to your old love but you know what they say about going back to exes – that it never ends well. If you can convince yourself that your last breakup was rushed and you feel like there is unfinished business, then nobody is going to stop you from pursuing the man you want and getting back with your ex. But don’t make this decision in haste, really think it through instead. It feels easier to go back to somebody who knows you rather than breaking down your walls all over again for a new person. You might have trust issues and could even be scared to trust a new guy again. But that’s not a good enough reason to run back to a familiar face for that comfort is going to be short-lived. Your ex might be a good person to you but don’t use him to run from the fear of getting hurt by a new guy.
10. Make a list of what you don’t like about each of them
If you’re too conflicted in terms of how much you like both guys, let’s opt for a reverse approach. Choosing when two guys say they love you can make you want to pull your hair out but not if you start judging them by what you don’t like about them. Maybe you’re so enamored by Peter’s hair that you’ve overlooked the fact that he was condescending to a waiter that one time. When in a new relationship, it’s easy to get lost in things you love about someone, especially if they’re going out of their way to make you feel special. But you know there are things which make you incompatible. Moreover, this is the right time to snap out of it and get real with yourself too. Who knows you might even end up realizing that neither of them is good enough for you?
11. Have you asked your girlfriends yet?
There’s no better way to answer how to choose between two guys than calling a meeting with your best friends. These friends have stuck by you for really long and know you in and out. So while you’re in a dreamy haze because all you’re doing is being showered in love by two men, these ladies have been keeping score. Now you don’t have to decide then and there between Roger or Steven just because Amanda saw Steven drop you home one time and gave you that affectionate goodbye kiss. But your girls are going to raise some interesting points that you probably didn’t think of before. So summon the ladies because you all have work to do.
12. Ask yourself which one of them takes care of you more
The key to dating the right person is not finding someone who gives you butterflies in the stomach but someone who knows how to deal with the butterflies in your head. Think about which one of them is better at resolving fights and which one of them knows how to deal with your ups and downs. Loving someone and knowing how to take care of them are two very different things. Maybe Jacob loves you to death but is not able to give you the comfort you need on your dark days. It’s in moments like these when you realize that choosing between two guys is about picking someone who can kiss your demons away.
13. To choose between two guys who are friends, think of the repercussions
Oh, the biggest predicament of all! If two of your guy friends suddenly tell you that they have feelings for you, it might be a really awkward situation for you. Even worse and weirder, if they’re in the same group of friends. There’s no perfect way to walk out of this one and no balancing act that can save you from it either. If you’re trying to choose between two guys who are friends, don’t feel compelled to choose just because you feel bad for both of them. Think about whether it is worth ruining friendships over what might seem like an exciting dating prospect at that moment. Choosing between friendship and relationship can be confusing enough when you’re that close but you’ve got a double scoop of confusion. Just because you spend all your time with him already and he drops you home or calls your mom does not mean that you can or will love him. Don’t get swayed by what good friends they’ve been to you and let that get the better of you. But on the other hand, if you did see this coming and had been catching feelings for both – the story is a little different. If in that case you are considering how to choose between two guys who are friends, our safe bet would be to go with the one who knows you better. The soup you’re in might leave you in a frenzy but consider yourself lucky for you have two wonderful men willing to date you! How to choose between two guys warrants time, thinking and listening to your gut feeling most of all. If you really sit down and think about it, you could never lie to yourself.
