On the other hand, there are the ones that are determined and despite the pain of missing you they choose not to have you. That’s why in some cases it takes too long to get an ex back, and in some others, it only takes a few hours, days – or at the maximum – weeks. It depends on how your relationship ended, why it ended, and how strong was the connection between you was. The point is, you can get your ex back, really! After years of observing and studying relationships and their endings from up close, I’ve made a list of 5 steps that can help you get your ex back:
1. Text them: “This is the last time I’ll be texting you…”
This one might get your ex back within 24 hours or even less. However, it entirely depends on how and why you two ended the relationship in the first place. Now, the reason why “This is the last time I’ll be texting you…” text is so effective, is because it genuinely puts them in a position through which they consider not ever seeing you or hearing from you again. In all honesty, this is a little manipulative. It’s not going to be healthy, especially if you hurt your ex. On the other hand, if there wasn’t a big reason, or if you two weren’t really determined to end the relationship a message with such an opening will open your eyes. You can use this method rightly or wrongly. Here’s why… The opener will get their attention, and it’ll give them flashbacks of your relationship and it’ll remind them of the risk of losing you forever. However, what you text after this line will be what can make them think of giving the relationship another shot or not. For example: “This is the last time I’ll be texting you… I didn’t do anything wrong, I want to explain.” won’t work, especially if they’re really hurt. “This is the last time I’ll be texting you, I promise. I truly believe that this relationship can be saved, and I’m ready to do whatever it takes to save it. I feel horrible for what I’ve done, and I apologize. I had no idea how it would impact you. I know you need space and time… If you choose to not give it another go, I’ll respect your decision, give you space, and never disturb you again.” The key to making your message effective is for it to be heartfelt. If you don’t get a positive answer, you’ll at least get an answer that’ll give you closure and help you move on afterward. Their answers will depend a lot on why the relationship ended. This is how to get your ex back. Or if you don’t you, at the very least, get closure through a heartfelt message from them.
2. Stay strong and faithful to your No Contact Rule
After you’ve sent the message you’ll be getting a positive or a negative answer. If your connection was genuine and you didn’t do something horrific to hurt them, the odds are higher for them to consider getting back to you. On the other hand, if you’ve done something unforgivable that takes time to heal from, then you’ve got to keep your promise and not text them again. This will be painful, difficult, and will make you question everything about your life and yourself. You’ve got to be patient because the result will be entirely worth it all. Keeping your promise after you told your ex “This is the last time I’ll be texting you” means to stay strong to your No Contact Rule. That means no contact at all. No texts, no calls, no social media interactions or signals, nothing: Radio Silence. The point of No Contact is getting and giving space. Space to reflect on yourself and the relationship. Space allows you to reconnect with yourself, and relearn the ways of living on your own, without a partner. You’ll be on your own to heal from the wounds that the breakup caused you. Whether you’re the dumper or the dumpee, No Contact will truly help you move on, reflect, and heal. You might be wondering “How is No Contact going to help get my ex back?” Space will have its effects along with time. You won’t be the only one reflecting once there’s a distance between you both. This will allow your ex to miss you and have a sense of what their life without you in it looks like. On the other hand, it’ll make them understand your determination and maturity.
Keep your No Contact as long as you can, it’s very important.Your ex will have space to miss you.You’ll show determination and maturity, above all you’ll be respecting yourself and the relationship.
3. Shift your energy entirely to yourself and your well-being
Shifting your energy from wanting to get your ex back to yourself and well-being is one of the key factors that help you get your ex back. Kind of paradoxical, I know, but bear with me on this one. Once you shift your energy entirely to yourself, you get to reflect on your ‘perfections’ and ‘imperfections’. Meaning, you’ll get to see where there’s room for improvement in yourself, and you can finally get started on self-improving behavior. For example, if you were the needy type, or the distant type, or the clingy type… Self-reflection will allow you to have a better understanding of what type of partner you were and what you can do to become a better partner in the future. This doesn’t mean to entirely ‘roast’ yourself by finding flaws and seeing them as sole flaws and unfixable issues, no. Shifting your energy onto yourself means taking care of yourself, focusing on how you can become a stronger, healthier version of yourself. Slowly and eventually you start to plant the seed of a healthy mindset which will lead you to a healthy thought process. You’ll be finding yourself trying out new things, learning new things, or getting better at the thing you’re currently doing. You’ll be understanding the fundamentals of a healthy relationship, and you’ll know exactly what spot you missed when in a relationship with your ex. Eventually, your ex-partner will be seeing those improvements and changes in your lifestyle and behavior. By that time, you’ll be clear from the (once) overwhelming emotional state that made you crave your ex’s presence. Now, you’ll be thinking clearly and deciding whether you truly want your ex’s presence back in your life or not. So, be patient. Start getting up on your feet, steady and slowly. Shift your energy onto yourself, start loving yourself, it’ll all change from there on!
4. Start fresh without them: boost your self-esteem and self-confidence
No Contact can cause you to feel pain and hurt, it’s normal. You’re shifting your lifestyle to different directions now that your partner is no longer part of your journey. However, that doesn’t mean that you’ve got to dwell on memories and pain. While you’re doing No Contact it’s normal to feel the urge to “reach out to them just once more”. Instead of responding to that urge, use it to improve yourself. Here’s the deal… Once the thoughts of “I can’t do this without my ex” start to kick in, get up and do something positive for yourself:
Surround yourself with positive people who help you re-understand the value of being loved and cared for.Practice new activities you love (or loved before you met your ex). Do something, even if it’s just reading or watching something you’ve wanted to for a while.Don’t self-sabotage. Accept the state of mind you’re in, think of your ex, but don’t let it be something that defines you.Have fun; Put yourself out there. Use this time to be your exceptional self.
This will have a positive effect on your “getting my ex back” journey. Your ex will have the space to miss you, but they’ll also see your ability to grow and transform. You’re doing this right if you’re making positive changes in yourself for the sake of yourself, not for the sake of your ex seeing how good you’re doing without them. It might take time, but it’ll work. Sooner than later, you’ll be seeing results.
5. Focus on self-improvement rather than getting them back
Now this is the one key. Yes, the paradoxical key: not focusing on getting your ex back actually works on winning your ex back. Let’s say you sent the “This is the last time I’ll be texting you…” text, you’ve stayed faithful to your No Contact, you shifted your energy entirely to yourself, and you started fresh without your ex. All of these should be done with the sole purpose of self-improvement and not imposing the idea that you’re well off without your ex. If you want to get back with your ex then you’ve got to make some changes. You’ve got to improve and give them a reason to get back to you. Reflect on the reasons the relationship ended, and start improving yourself in those areas. Think of what you regret doing and not doing. And finally, start taking action on it. It’s a process in itself, but it helps tremendously in both your healing journey and getting your ex back.
How to get your ex back? – Important things that shouldn’t slip away!
You make your ex want you back by being honest and sincere to them for closure, by improving yourself, and by giving them space and time to see all of it. A breakup is very difficult to go through. Your heart hurts, your entire body feels like it’s in pain. You lost a person you loved and still love, yet you can see them but can’t reach them. It’s normal to want someone back in your life after you’ve lost them. It’s also normal to want your ex back so much that it hurts. It may sound absurd, but everything you’re feeling it’s part of the healing process. Here are things that shouldn’t slip away if you want to win your ex back fast or slow:
- Your one final message should be heartfelt. If you want to convince your ex to get back to you then your message to them should be clear and heartfelt. Nothing else works better than a clear, honest, and meant final message. If you’re looking for a way to quickly get your ex back, this will be it. You let your ex know that this is the last time they’ll hear from you as long as this is what they want, and you proceed to express yourself sincerely. It has no sense or point if your message/text isn’t genuine and heartfelt.
- Don’t stalk them on social media. This is one of the greatest struggles you’ll be faced with during your journey. Simply checking their profile now and then isn’t that bad as opposed to liking their pictures or indirectly letting them know you’ve checked their profile. The best way to prevent yourself from reaching out to them again is to not visit their social media again. Your ex will see your determination and your respect towards yourself and the relationship you once had together. This way, they’ll be rethinking their decision, or at the very least respect you back for respecting the relationship. Keep it going, it’ll pay off at the end of the day.
- Give them space. If you promise them to do what it takes to make things better, and you don’t do them, you’re bound to lose your ex again. Stick with honesty, genuinity, and sincerity. Give your ex space as they need it. You both need it. This means calling your ex isn’t the best idea, and texting them isn’t a bright one either. You need space to clear your thoughts, to miss each other, and reconnect spiritually. If the connection is strongly felt by both of you, your paths will cross and intertwine again, intentionally or not.
- No Contact. Don’t forget that No Contact is one of the best ways to cleanse from the toxicity accumulated, to cleanse your wounds and heal them. Again, No Contact will allow you to attain space and gain a new perspective on your connection, the wrongful and the rightful about it.
- No social media posts about/with/because of them. This is part of the No Contact Rule. By giving your ex signals through social media posts you might come off as desperate. Mind you, being desperate it’s okay, it’s a natural part of this journey. However, being desperate can lead to being perceived as disrespectful. It’s not a good combination if you want to get back with your ex. Stay away from sending them signals.
Don’t post quotes that remind them of something.No songs or movies that used to be a symbol of your relationship.Don’t post inside jokes.
- Start taking care of yourself more. Remember, this will not only benefit you in your character development, but it’ll also help your ex see the potential in you. You’ve got to take this step if you want to heal and if you want your ex back. You’ve got to start taking care of yourself, care about your emotional and physical state. You’re likely to forget yourself when in the midst of losing someone you love.
- Start making yourself a better version of yourself. Taking care of yourself will help you start making yourself shift into a better version. This means you acknowledge the flaws in you, you accept them as part of you, and without judgment, you start working on them. Flaws don’t stand for surface-level factors of your personality. You want to seek the ‘flaws’ of your perception and comprehension of relationships (with you and others).
- Don’t be disrespectful to the memory of your ex. You’ve shared time with them, you loved them. Being disrespectful to the memory of you loving and spending time with another person, directly reflects disrespect towards yourself. You’re disrespecting yourself and your time. Spending time with them was your decision, whether it was influenced or not. Being disrespectful and badmouthing the memory of your ex will not help you get them back. On the contrary, it’ll push them away.
- Don’t give them any signals. An ex who lost feelings for you won’t welcome signals. If you want to get an ex back slowly, then you’ll be gentle in the process. Give them time and don’t intrude on their journey of healing. It’s difficult, it’s heart-wrenching, I know. And I’m not talking from a pedestal, I’ve been there and done that. It doesn’t end well. You end up hurting yourself and giving clues to your ex that you’re not learning your lesson.
- Don’t pity yourself to them to get them back (no begging). Pitying yourself to them for the sake of getting them back, actually has the opposite effect: It empowers your ex on their stance – they’re not coming back. What you want to do is be clear when portraying your message, and be respectful of your decision. It’ll prove you of your strength and growth, and it’ll prove your ex of your maturity.
Why do I want my ex back?
You’re trying to get an ex back, an ex that doesn’t want you. It triggers your curiosity, and it kind of pisses you off: why would you desperately want someone that doesn’t want you. Looking at it from a point of view it’s a bit odd, you’re looking for ways to make someone come back to you, someone who seems determined on their decision. There are a lot of psychological factors behind your desires, wants, and needs. Here’s why you want your ex back:
- Your ex resembles familiarity and comfort.
- You’re starting to add illusion to the memories.
- You convinced yourself that you can’t deal with life without your ex.
- You still love them.
- You didn’t have closure. These are 5 of the most common reasons people want their ex back in their life. Essentially your ex is a person who a few days/weeks/months/years ago represented a sense of comfort and warmth to you. Now the idea of never seeing or touching them again is absurd to you and it can lead you to have a hard time accepting that, especially if the relationship ended abruptly. A lot of us also add more flowers and sparkles to the story. We’re wired to forget the bad moments as a way of our brain and organism to protect us from hurting. It takes time to process and heal from this, it’s not impossible, and you’ll survive this no matter how strongly you believe you won’t, trust me!
If your ex comes back…
A lot put the goal of getting someone back at the top of the list without thinking furthermore. We often forget to think about what if the ex comes back, and what will happen after the main goal is achieved. If you haven’t thought (heck, even if you thought) about it, then there are a few things to consider if your ex comes back to you:
- Don’t repeat the mistakes, and keep your promises.
- Use healthy communication (it’s essential for a long-lasting and healthy relationship).
- Don’t forget the past, and don’t take them for granted.
- Don’t forget yourself in the process.
- Keep in mind that the wound can still be fresh: you need to be careful with your behavior.
What we’ve learned: Getting your ex back!
It takes tears, time, and effort, but it’s achievable. You can get your ex back. You can get your ex back as long as you’re respectful towards space, the relationship you had, your ex, and yourself. Keep in mind to stay true and strong to your healing journey. You’ll eventually heal and maybe even get your ex back. Some manage to get their ex back in a few hours, some in a few days, some in a few weeks, months, or even years. The message: it’s achievable, it’s possible. All you’ve got to do is think it through if it’s worth getting back, and if you’re ready to restart the relationship with this person. The rest will flow after you’ve made up your mind. You’ve got this! Love, Callisto Helpful articles for you: How to get my ex-boyfriend back? How to forget about your ex? 10 situations when No Contact does not work
